Book inView: Seldom Disappointed by Tony Hillerman – Adoption
Hillerman shares that after having their first child, “destiny ruled that Anne was the only offspring nature would provide us, Marie and I decided to finish building our family by adoption.” For them, it seems it was that simple. As I entered my adult years and started considering the idea of children, I never thought of adoption. When I did, my first thought was: “I want to have MY children.” But what does that say about all the children who are adopted, or the parents who adopted them? Are they somehow less related? No! Was my perspective not very well thought out? Yes! My wanting “my own” children was something that came from not thinking about what that meant, it came from societal pressures, machismo, and a lack of trust in love. Certainly the journey of pregnancy would be missed with adoption, but everyday I make choices to pass some journeys so I might go on others. My want for my own biological child vs an adopted child has passed (though I’m not sure I want children at all yet!). In addition to knowing several people who were adopted and have relationships with their parents that are no different from non-adopted children, I now have the experience of a step family. I love them with all my heart, and they weren’t even my choice. Family has to do with loving each other, not what your gene sequence is.
Right now fertility clinics are a huge business. People spend years of waiting and thousands of dollars, without pursuing adoption. I certainly started from that perspective, but I know find that if my wife and I wanted to have children and weren’t able, the decision to adopt would be an easy one for me. When the Hillerman’s were building their family none of the modern fertility treatments were available, but it seems that they would nonetheless have headed quickly to adoption. The following is an exerpt which everyone who thinks about having children should read:
“…Marie and I hereby submit our answer to the universal question of those considerng adoption. The question concerns parental love for kids you haven’t produced yourselves. The answer is don’t worry about it. As veterans of raising both kinds we can testify that all of them provoke affection, irritation, worry, joy, dismay, care, pride, anger and, most of all, love. Each and every one of them is our child. Don’t try to tell us they had another set of parents. Nor need you worry about adding adoptees into an existing family. Each of our five was greeted with excitement and enthusiasm and had to tolerate being mothered and big-brothered by the siblings they’d joined.”